_posted in dayedayerocks | filmschool | lessons learned | 21 November 2010

My first quarter at UCLA's MFA Film Production/Directing program is about to end. It started about 9 weeks ago, but it honestly feels like 9 months.

The program consists of 21 students total, with 18 directing students and 3 cinematographers. The program is traditionally 4 years long, a few have completed it in three, there are a few who are "5th year MFAs." Our first year is highly structured, our classes are picked for us, we're placed in shooting groups and you deal with the crew you're given.

_open 24/7/365

The thing I've had to come to terms with the most is the fact that this thing I love, this thing that I've always made time for, be it the weekend or a few hours a week, is now my 24/7/365. Film is no longer the thing I want to do or the future plan, it's the thing I'm actively doing. It's absolutely amazingly exciting and it's fucking frightening. It's a huge paradigm shift to take hold of and be comfortable with the dream being a reality. So instead of finding time to write or edit or film on a Saturday for a few hours, I should in all honestly be spending at least twelve hours a day on learning and perfecting my craft. This is my job--my only job. Nine weeks in and I'm still struggling with truly understanding that situation.

A few of my classmates and I had this conversation and it's always good to commiserate on the fears wrapped in such a wonderful adventure. I love that there's a classmate who is constantly trying to figure out how to not let film school consume ever part of her life. She never misses an opportunity to ask the next professor or TA, how they balance film school and having a life and everyone says the same thing, "you won't have a life." Bless her heart, she's actively trying to keep a balance in her life and I dig that about her.

_opportunity cost

In economics there's this concept of passing up the next best choice when making a decision, basically giving up the choice of one thing in order to obtain another. That thing you gave up is the opportunity cost. For years I've been struggling with what and who I left behind for the possibility of film school. I left Georgia with no guarantees, only a dream and a shit ton of determination. How I've felt about what I gave up changes as I get older. While I'm excited about film school, realizing I'll be living in LA for another 4 years away from the people that make me the happiest--the people that make up my family, is a hard pill to swallow. I've been in LA for 6 years and I've been fortunate to meet some great and caring people, but my ATL fam is comprised of people who know my narrative, all my dirty little secrets, most embarrassing and joyous moments and whom I trust.

I was hanging with some 2nd and 3rd year female MFAs and the conversation ranged from the craft to having families while working in film. Four years is a long time to put your life on hold, even for something you love, weighed against the female realities of a family and a life outside of film. The thing you love shouldn't be a roadblock to a full and complete life. Filmmaking does not allow for balance in your life, so you have to find it wherever you can.

_collaboration

Filmmaking is pure collaboration. It's a level of collaboration that I've never truly experienced. It's been a learning experience to say the least. There have been a number of teachable moments, experiences and observations, the most important:

Number 01.

not everyone shares a respect for the process, so make sure that you do - crewing is honest work, so respect it. the physical labor of filmmaking is what makes filmmaking possible, point blank.

Number 02.

having a work ethic is equally important than any creativity or grand stories you want to tell. we all have a voice, take the time to respect the technical aspects of filmmaking if you want to direct

Number 03.

respecting the people you work with even when you don't like them is an absolute must

Number 04.

adding please, thank you and you're welcome to your vocabulary is imperative (you'd be surprised how often people don't bother saying them)

Number 05.

communication means making sure everyone understands what's going on, it does not mean speaking louder or more often, that's just making noise.

_out of sight, out of mind

Wrapped up in all this excitement is a bit of disappointment. I had hoped that this ultimate goal, the outcome of a long journey, which was shared with my closet friends, would be something I would ultimately share with those same people. It's hard for people to understand how disconnected this program makes you feel from your own life. It's been financially, physically and emotionally draining and it's only the beginning. This gets harder. Having an emotional sounding board is imperative.

Hubert Sauper, director of Darwin's Nightmare, said "you want to have people around you who are intellectual mirrors." That's no easy task. I always felt lucky to have that, but sitting in class for 12 hours a day, spending what free time you have either with actors rehearsing or writing or editing, you disconnect from your real life and reconnecting seems a chore, on both sides.

_next quarter

Winter 2011 is right around the corner. We've gotten our shooting schedules. I've combed over budgets from previous years, started looking for funding, started collected creatives, trying to figure out what I can cut from my script to lose those two extra pages and I'm hoping I'll get out of LA for a bit before it all kicks off. Wish me luck.

_soundcheck: quantic: an announcement to answer