_posted in dayedayerocks | 08 February 2008

A friend lost her brother yesterday. I haven't talked to this friend since November 2005. It's another one of those leaving "open ended pain in my wake" things. Rightly or wrongly I walked away from our friendship shortly before I left Atlanta. At the time I felt I needed to be around people I felt were proactive in order to feed out that energy instead of the weekly humdrums and what-ifs. I walked away from three people: Drew, Jake and May. I've since then reconciled with Drew and Jake. Like I said, "those I truly loved first and still find room to be angry with, have never and will never lose my favor." And May is one of those people. Unfortunately, I could never swallow my pride and reach out more than that passive aggressive social network way. Sending an "add request" on MySpace is not an active attempt to reconcile. It's passive and no one deserves such a half ass attempt at reconciliation.

At this moment May is dealing with a lost that I can't even imagine. She's always been an extremely sweet person. Why the universe deemed it necessary for her to lose her 33 year old brother is beyond me.

I can't say at this moment that I want to call family and friends and tell them how much they mean to me. I try to show that everyday, but more days than not I only accomplish fucking up relationships.

I was recently told, in a round about way, that I've not been a good friend when it came to the emotional aspect of a friendship. It sucks to be told you're not a good friend, but it's not like I haven't done that many times, when I felt slighted, which happens to be often.

All I can hope is that while May is dealing with her loss, she comes out the other end alright.