A Father Dies

_posted in dayedayerocks | 22 January 2008

While I was driving home this afternoon I couldn't get my mind off Heath Ledger and it wasn't the possibility that he most likely died of an overdose, intentional or not. When we heard about it in the office we were all shocked and then came the jokes and snarky remarks. We hide our meanness in wit.

All we know for sure is a little girl is never going to know her father.

When she's old enough she's going to search for every bit of information she can find about him on the Internet. She's going to search for articles or video that talk about him being a dad and what that meant to him. She's going to try to find out what his favorite things were, places he loved the most. She'll wonder her entire life which books he would have read to her and what it would have been like to go to the zoo with him, the planetarium, the circus, to the ocean for the first time.

I know this because I did it. I grew up with grandparents who did a wonderful job. My grandmother was the emotional support I needed, my grandfather the economic. I have no memories of my grandfather ever hugging me as a child. I do remember a hug the day I graduated from high school, as well as the day I hopped in my car to drive to California a few years ago. I can count the number of hugs I remember from him with my own two hands. My grandmother on the other hand, never let a day go by without a hug. I remember them all.

I also remember finding my baby book when I was in 4th grade and there on the first page was my father's name. I found out he was in the military and he was stationed in Fort Benning and Panama. For some reason I had it in mind that he served in Vietnam. Forget that it was impossible due to dates not matching up, but when I was in 6th grade and we went to DC to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial I looked for his name. I was disappointed that it wasn't there, because the only thing that can keep a father from his daughter is death. Right?

anything but...

_posted in dayedayerocks | 20 January 2008

2004 Astronaut Candidate Jose Hernandez    photo credit: NASA/Johnson Space Center

Remember when I said I was going to be more consistent? Well, I have been. The blog has definitely talking a back seat to my classes and work. I'm taking two short session English courses. The short session is fucking short! Each week is equal to two weeks. In total the six weeks for short session equals thirteen weeks, the regular session time. So yea, I've been consistent and extremely organized. I've written more in the last three weeks than I have in the last two years.

I get out of the house one day a week to socialize with humans. I have a gang of movie passes but no time to go see a movie. So on my scheduled escape from behind my computer or a book was this past Friday. While having dinner with Antero he told me about a fellow teacher's class discussion about hegemony in the context of the Holocaust and Elie Wiesel's Night.

Travis asked his students, "What would happen if all white people were killed or put in jail?" (Travis is white, so he's including himself in the question.) One of his students raised his hand and said, "But who would invent everything and do all the science?"

Wow! Antero was blown away, as was I during the retelling of this incident. For a second my heart broke. Antero asked his own class why the kid's comment bothered him. It took the students a few moments to think about it. Then one kid raised his hand and sheepishly said, "Because it makes it seem like we can't do it."

ABSOLUTELY. Can you imagine thinking that your place in the world does not include that level of success? Fuck me, these kids are getting shafted. This wasn't some elementary school, rather high school students who will soon be out in the real world. With that type of thinking how far from the stereotype are they going get?

This is the kind of stuff I should be filming and putting online. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. To drive the point home that LAUSD is just a factory for housing a bunch of kids until they are 18 or so needs to be made clear. There are just too many stories there for me to sit on my ass.

first death of the year

_posted in dayedayerocks | 09 January 2008

I just got a call from my grandmother. My auntie died. She's my auntie because our families have been so close since my grandfather and her husband were in the army together, both serving in Korea and Vietnam. We kids all grew up together. My older brother and sister grew up with their son Harold. I grew up with their youngest son, Jumel. We told everyone we were cousins.

Our families have been friends for almost 60 years. Her husband, my uncle, died about 4 years ago- leukemia. She died of cancer among other things.

And so the first personal death of 2008. My hope is that no one else close to me dies this year. However, people are getting older. I keep feeling all the time I've spent across the country, has been time I took away from being with my family, especially my grandmother.

Anyway, you know the drill. Cherish every minute people. You want every breath... every single one.

There's night and day, brother. Both sweet things. Sun, moon and stars, all sweet things. Very quiet now. There's a wind on the heath. Life is very... sweet, brother. Life is very sweet, brother. Who would wish to die?
george darrow: Lavengro; the scholar, the gypsy, the priest

new music wednesday = dear god can i get some sleep, please?

_posted in new music wednesdays | 09 January 2008

another separate the asshole from the artist... "a shins rocker beats up only person he can, his skinny girlfriend."

angie stone: the art of love and war
animal collective: strawberry jam
freddie king: woman across the river
sharon jones: 100 days, 100 nights
johnny greenwood: there will be blood
talib kweli: focus
the shins: wincing the night away
vampire weekend: vampire weekend
young knives: voices of animals and men