country is southern is country...

_posted in dayedayerocks | 27 October 2007

for some reason i've been missing the south, today more so than any other. and not atlanta south, not even columbus south, but georgia red clay south... vidalia south... savannah south... miles and miles of cotton, onion and peach fields south.

i miss eating vidalia onions like apples... i miss when it rains and the red clay turned into a brilliant orange-red stew that would ruin your shoes (let's be honest... everything you were wearing was ruined)... i miss riding my bike after a fresh rain and creating track marks that would quickly bake under the georgia sun. and a week later those same furrows my bike made would still be there.

i miss large family meals where the kitchen was the living room and it was packed! anytime something was needed in another room one of us kids were sent. we'd have to crawl under the table to exit the kitchen and run our errand. upon return, thats right, crawl back to your seat. damn, we were country! i miss random people showing up during meals, and how there was always room for one more, even if one more meant three more. that too was country, the kind of country you can only hope you can live up to.

i miss sleeping on the front porch when it would get too hot to sleep inside on summer nights. i miss the small candy dish of red and white peppermint that would soon invite in a trail of ants from the carport. mind you these weren't the famed georgia fire ants. those were found out back near the garden and i'll be damned if i didn't go home every trip with a few bites for my trouble. i miss the smell of the kerosene and whatever else was mixed in with the ant killer. im convinced there are some brain cells that just never got a chance to develop from breathing that stuff in.

i miss barbqq, proper barbq with collards with hamhocks, not turkey neckbones but proper hamhocks and cornbread. i miss the glory of chitterlings with all their filth. i miss fried catfish and grits. i miss eating watermelon on the front porch with my cousins. i miss fried chicken and blackeyed peas. and let's not forget sweet tea.

when i use to live in the south i never claimed it. i was quick to point out i wasn't even a full american. fuck it... im half panamanian and just as proud to say i'm half georgia peach. but on some days im just 100% southern.

i'm off to make biscuits and gravy.

_soundcheck: cary ann hearst: dust and bones

living high cotton

_posted in dayedayerocks | 13 October 2007

so for the next two weeks i'll be living high cotton. included with that is a dog, three cats and a pond filled with fish... usually i just feed the outdoor cat, hang around for a few hours and then go back home... the next two weeks, however, is me living high cotton, opposed to just playing at being a homeowner.

the dog, i have to say is cooler than my simon. after her walks she expects playtime and she makes that very clear... sitting by the pond, pond-ering, drinking a beer (or some variety of spirits) and playing slimy tennis ball fetch is as close to god, as im going to get these days...

the outdoor cat is never around, the other cat is unassuming and cool... and the third, a jerk, dare i say an asshole in animal terms... i've never been partial to cats. but there are a few cats who just as soon piss on you then have you bother them, except for the occasional petting... while others are just brats.

but i have to say a house filled with animals comfortably sleeping in their favorite spots just feels right. it reminds me of home. there's nothing like a snoring dog to remind you of lying on the floor watching "it's the great pumpkin charlie brown" while your dog sleeps next to you... snoring...

i miss being a kid more than i miss anything else.

_vidcheck: michael apted: thunderheart

something about closets. and skeletons.

_posted in dayedayerocks | 05 October 2007

this afternoon i talked about things i've never really talked about to anyone, not even those within my family. there are few people i trust implicitly, but im lucky enough to have at least one friend i can put that burden upon. there are few who may get very abbreviated moments of my life, but those are few and far between.

i've never known how to be a forgiving person when it came down to those life changing moments. im at a point where that no longer bothers me. i would rather except the fact that i leave open ended pain in my wake. this is an admittance of my failings.

i've learned that all things i do, i do too heartily. i love too much when i shouldn't love at all. i give more than i get back because i was raised in such a manner, yet i find i am resentful when i do not receive a modicum of consideration. i am more of a reactionary than i am a measured individual in my approach to life. when i dislike a person i do it with no plans to ever allow for another opinion of them. if my favor is lost very early on it is lost forever. once again, too hearty in my approach.

those i truly loved first and still find room to be angry with, have never and will never lose my favor. this, i feel is a redeeming factor. this i learned as a child. those few years we spend as children dictate our entire adulthood. flaw or not, it was one of the few emotional lessons i received. finding room for those things that should have been given to us early in our lives, is hard to do now when you've already began cramming in life's lessons.

i do not trust those who so readily share their lives and their stories upon a new found friendship. this too was learned in childhood. there are reasons skeletons are in closets. when you grow up in a home with multiple closets, all filled, you learn that there is some safety in never opening those doors. once they are opened, there really is no turning back.

_soundcheck: miles davis: kind of blue

loss

_posted in dayedayerocks | 03 October 2007

my ex sister-in-law died last night. no one knows what happened. she went home because she wasn't "feeling so well" and she died shortly afterwards. what happened between her and my brother was between them. we liked her afterwards. she was lovely.

my earlier post about "being a year older isn't doing much for me," makes me feel like an out right prat. while on the phone with my da, she said "treat each day as if it were you last," as most people do when someone dies.

truth is, each day is more than just your last possible day... it's your whole life. the sum of your existence equals this very moment, then the next moment and the next and so on.

by default i'm a pessimist even when i'm optimistic, i'm a defeatist even in the face of my greatest accomplishments and im a diversionist even when making plans and plotting schemes. but there are moments when i think that all things are possible. unfortunately those moments involve someone shuffling off their mortal coil.

death should not be the cause of our appreciation of life, but there you have it. the only time most of us strive to become the people we long to become, is when we're faced with death. this is where man realizes that death will "take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have."

i'm sitting behind a computer trying to appreciate that my life could (should) change only when i take the sum of all those infinitesimal moments and make them into something i can be proud to call my life.

_soundcheck: miles davis: bitches brew

blah

_posted in dayedayerocks | 03 October 2007

being a year older isn't doing much for me... ill just leave it at that... maybe next year's birthday will be more interesting... maybe spent in some wonderfully interesting place (outside of l.a. is what that means).