_posted in dayedayerocks | lessons learned | 19 September 2010

"Two Keys"    painting credit: Daye Rogers

Recently I deleted my social network accounts, Facebook, Foursquare, Last.fm, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.

I was becoming that guy who, when you meet up with him has to Twitter, Foursquare and/or Facebook the experience in the present, that guy that constantly texts, tweets or otherwise transmits when you thought the two of you were actually in conversation. Having lunch with that guy is always a chore and always an annoyance. Lunch, dinner or a picnic with that guy seems more like a moment of intrusion on his virtual world, rather than hanging out with a friend.

Don't get me wrong. People who knew me when I first started university, know me as "the girl with the camera," so the idea of intruding in on personal space is nothing new to me. I'm all about the performative nature of images and life itself, but there's something about social networks that can turn that joy of observing and recording your own life into a rude and inconsiderate act.

It was a gradual progression for me. I went from the cellphone staying in my bag, to posting from the bathroom to just pulling out the phone at the table and just having at it, which has always irked me to no end when my lunch or dinner partners do the same.

The moment of truth for me, as they say, occurred while I was home recently. I was sitting in the den getting some work done and I heard the crack of the bedroom door open and out ran the most awesome of three year olds from his nap. He beamed a charming smile as he beelined for me, gave me a hearty hug and a proper baby slobber kiss on the check. He then turned, without missing a beat and picked up his water gun, pointed it at me, closed one eye and proceeded to shoot me. The disappointment on his face when he realized the gun was empty was spectacular. The shock and happiness at watching me fill it with water was priceless. The laughing scream that followed as he ran from the stream of water that caught him on the side of the head was gratifying. That moment was real, it was wrapped up in all these amazing emotions of love and contentment that turned into tickled pink.

I was experiencing a very real moment and it didn't seem real unless I stopped the moment and posted it on not only Facebook, but Twitter it as well. I had become that guy. As long as I posted to social networks as an afterthought I felt it was alright, I wasn't putting my present life on hold to connect with people who weren't there, disconnecting from the people who were.

_insincere friendship

I had about 250 Facebook friends, and this was with me being a bit selective. While working at an Apple retail store, which was one of my worst employment experiences ever, I met people who face to face were rude, inconsiderate and who didn't interest me in the least and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. However, these same people sent me friend requests. Why would I want people I don't want in my real life in my virtual life? Needless to say I ignored those requests.

Facebook does a great job of making me feel obligated to interact with people I rarely even speak to. There's this pressure to perform the actions of friendship, when I honestly don't feel the desire to do so. I've culled my friend list down to 151 people. I was "friends" with people I honestly had very little interest in or absolutely didn't like or just lost touch with and really didn't mind that I had. Friendship is something I take quiet seriously and it seems that social networks allow for a frivolity of it that I find troubling.

I was becoming an insincere friend. I'd rather not be a friend, than an insincere one.

_reconnecting

I've recreated a few of the accounts I had, namely Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. A friend of mine always positions social networks as a database or history of his life. It's a valid point but honestly, I never went back and tracked my own content, the music I listened to, the tweets I twittered or even the Facebook posts I posted. I use to blog for that reason. If it's more personal, I keep journals for that reason.

While away from the various social networks, there were moments when I thought "I should tweet that." The fact that my account didn't exist anymore gave me the needed few seconds of pause to realize, actually what I just thought wasn't worth tweeting or sharing. It was an internal thought, that may be brought up in conversation in the future, but the impulse to share random thoughts makes very little sense to me now. It's always good to get back to sensibilities that represent the better part of yourself.

_soundcheck: the xx: xx