_posted in dayedayerocks | 07 July 2007

i just walked in the door from attending the funeral of my friend's father. edgar de leon. having listened to ben and others talk about his father, i am sad i never had a chance to know him. amidst all the emotion and tears that come with any man's passing, there was truly relief in knowing that his father is no longer suffering. i hear people say this alot and i honestly never believed it. but after listening to ben talk about his dad for the last 8 months i've come to realize there is a better place, there is a place where the people we love no longer suffer, and that's in our hearts. i've never seen two people as composed as ben and his mother at the passing of a loved one. yes, they've had some time to come to terms with his impending death, but their dignity, grace and appreciation of those who attended were amazing.

with all this emotion and understanding was the disgust of the efficiency of death. it took the caretakers at forrest lawn 15 minutes to bury ben's father. had it not been for the flowers placed on his grave you would never have known a man had just been buried. a backhoe was used to pull the dirt over the open grave, and then there was some apparatus on the backhoe that became a flatter. it packed the earth down flat, and it made a horrible sound like a jackhammer. then the green carpet was rolled out aka green sod, and then another round with the flat jackhammer. and scene. until the machines and men moved down the street to the next burial.

i couldnt help thinking that people have always died and people have always been buried. it was not always this way. we dug holes ourselves, we placed loved ones in these holes, and covered them ourselves. when i die just wrap me in a sheet and place me in the earth. i want my friends and loved ones to cover me themselves. i want them to get their hands dirty and participate in my passing. i want them to help me on my way as i hope i am living my life; messy, with hands dirty from trying to scratch a place for myself, and calloused from trying to be of help to those around me. as i want to be a willing participant in the lives of those i love and care for, i would want just one last time to know that those who love and care for me, are willing to participate in the last moments of my bodily form.

im off to once again call the grandmother, but this time to just tell her i appreciate her. i think i've come to a place where i've accepted that we all die, we all will cease to exist. the thing to keep in mind is how we want those we brush past in life to remember us.