"where heroes who are burned at the stake and said to evaporate into a million fireflies"

_posted in dayedayerocks | film | ingredients for life | the world | versus | 02 February 2011

Erzilie Danto    artist credit: yves telemak

This post is a response Support Lwa and Create Dangerously, which is the start of a new Versus with Antero.

I'm so excited that Antero and I have rebooted "Versus." First, thanks to Antero for linking to the Kickstarter video for my latest short film, "Lwa." I'm excited to be working on a film that marries my anthropological interests with filmmaking. I'm equally excited that Danticat's latest text is about creating within the immigrant framework, within the framework of people who stand in multiple lands, products of the diaspora.

Antero and I seemed to have connected to "Create Dangerously", simultaneously. Both of us were instantly drawn to this work and for me it's a continuation of my love of Danticat's calm and expressive voice. It's taken me a few days to go back to the first two chapters. I wanted to give myself some distance, let my interpretations sit for awhile and just let my daily experiences as an artist add a bit of texture since the initial reading. Over the years I've read and reread many titles, paying close attention to notes I made in the margins, expressing the beauty of a phrase or my confusion or lack of understanding for a theme. What's most important about these margin notes is how I've changed over the years. There have been many moments when I laughed out loud and openly mocked my younger and inexperienced self. It's always nice to have written proof that your experiences color how you see the world and yourself.

In the second chapter, "Walk Straight", Danticat gives us so much more than margin notes. She gives us a whole letter to her younger, less experienced writer self. I feel immigrant artists are indeed held to a very different standard when it comes to their experiences and the representation of themselves to world. It's so easy to be forced into the trap of representing the whole of a culture, be it all Haitians or all West Indians or all blacks in America. Representing the whole is the burden of the immigrant artist, forced on them not just from without but from within their own communities. Danticat added this letter as the afterward in future editions of "Breath, Eyes, Memory", "an addendum to the text." In the margins at the end of this letter I wrote, "The responsibilities of the artist..." Looking back I wonder why there is no question mark after that statement. Did I agree wholeheartedly with this addendum, only to be less sure of it as a declarative a week later, now wanting to explore it even more? What are my own responsibilities?

I find myself in a strange place as a black filmmaker. I constantly feel like I'm in a liminal state, between two worlds: the world of an artist of color who feels a responsibility to one's culture and an artist looking to support herself on her art. However, they seem to be mutually exclusive. The industry in which I am training to be apart, has room for only one black filmmaker at a time, and at present the black filmmaker de jour leaves a great deal to be desired. So I choose to create, boldly. What do I have to lose? I'm investing my life into my art. I have the luxury of film school, of sitting in classrooms talking about "my voice," my stories and art and how that works within the construct of culture and what responsibilities are involved in that. This all seems so passive in the face of my friends who walk into classrooms everyday and friends who are abroad actively working with refugee and immigrant youth. Danticat speaks on this and the "passive careers" that create "distant witnesses." It takes time to come to realization that the work you do as an artist, can produce broader understanding, that to create is never passive.

Camus' assertion that, "Art cannot be a monologue" is at the heart of the immigrant's art. Danticat knows this by her framing of what creating dangerously means with the deaths of two political figures, the oppression of the Duvalier regimes, the role art plays in subversion and effecting change. Art is not something meant for just the artist. To create is not enough, to express oneself is not enough. As an individual in a larger construct, your art must speak to that as well. Danticat speaks of memorial art in ancient Egypt as possibly being an answer to slaves being buried with their masters to serve them in the next world. This was art as "a stand-in for a life, a soul, a future." For the slaves, it must have been a terrifying thing to know your life was tied to serving others even after death. I search for the clarity and understanding those artists found to effect change. I search for that daily in my own work, to find solutions for a world that seems to be imploding with each passing day, in short, to create dangerously.

That's a bit of what I took from the first two chapters of "Create Dangerously." There's so much more of course. There are so many underlined passages and tons of notes in the margins. Antero, I'm curious about your experience while working with immigrant youth and their views on creating art, literature, etc.

The Kindness of Strangers

_posted in art | dayedayerocks | filmschool | lessons learned | 24 January 2011

At the opening of the year I emailed an artist whose work I really wanted to feature in my latest short film: Lwa, A Chorus of Voices. We finally connected Saturday morning and it was one of those rare moments you have with a complete stranger that makes you feel safe in sharing your art, safe that people understand what you're creating.

Cozbi Cabrera creates munecas, lovely handmade dolls with vintage fabrics, clothing, quilts and illustrates. I linked her to the Kickstarter page to give her a bit of background and why a film about Haitian Vodou. While she was excited about my "voice" and what I'm exploring, she was hesitant to share a muneca for a film about Haitian Vodou.

At the very moment she said it, it clicked in my head that it's one of the stereotypes that I never honestly thought about... Vodou Dolls. There, of course, are many stereotypes about Haitian Vodou I actively want to counter in my film, by not even addressing them. I'm so far from removed from them, but the truth is, the majority of what people know about Vodou are the stereotypes. And Cozbi's experienced that. I saw the muneca, as something precious to my protagonist, Odessa. It would be a treasured thing given to her as a child or gifted to her on her 16th birthday. Cozbi's experience with vintage dolls has been wrapped in people's stereotypes of race and culture. Her concern is more than valid.

As an artist I completely respect her point of view. It goes directly to my own thoughts about creating and what responsibility one has to what they create and how it lives in the world. It also speaks to holding one's ground on what they will actively participant in as an artist. Yes, I could have just ordered the doll and not given her any inkling of what I was planning to do with it, but what kind of artist would I be in that situation? I would get what I want at the price of another artist's convictions.

She explained that in the past people quickly attached a meaning to the dolls (e.g. Vodou dolls), when they have real meaning on their own. This I can appreciate. This I can understand. So no custom made Cozbi muneca. However, she offered up a wonderful solution. Cozbi will be designing a quilt to decorate Odessa's bedroom, a quilt created with vintage fabrics. For Odessa, it can be a tie to her past, her family and her country. For me, it's connecting with a like minded artist, finding support in unknown places.

Cozbi's willingness to find a solution to help me in creating my vision was heartening. It was a necessary moment when I'm stuck in the the realities and details of filmmaking, like hiring crew, dealing with fundraising, all the while holding fast to the voice of my film. It's a nice reminder that in all the extra stuff, the universe gives back just a little to remind you that you're doing just fine.

A Kickass Crew for a Kickstarter Campaign. And a Heartfelt Thanks.

_posted in dayedayerocks | film | filmschool | 19 January 2011

Kickstarter Production Still    photo credit: Shirley Kim

A few weeks ago I sent out an email to a few classmates asking if they'd be interested in helping me put together a video for a Kickstarter Campaign. It was the first Saturday back to school, and one of only four free weekends we'll have free until the 4th week in March. We were already griping about our class schedules, along with all the rewriting, preproduction, casting and location scouting we all have to do. With all that I wasn't expecting too many people to be able to make it and who could blame them if they didn't.

I spent the night rewriting my script of items I was hoping to talk about in the video, as well as finalizing the content on the Kickstarter page. By this time I had resolved the issues I've had with asking people to monetarily back my work. My contribution to most projects have always been my time and skills. In the long run, when you measure that time/skill combination in dollars, you've given so much more than you could have monetarily. It's time you'll never get back and time that you stole from one part of your life to give to another part or to someone else. That's serious business.

The morning of the shoot I drove around to a few different markets to find some colorful food, bought breakfast for my crew and picked a few people up. By call time we had a full crew. Seven of my classmates and one 2nd year MFA were up for a shoot. It's a great thing to be surrounded by creative and talented people, it's a tremendous thing to be surrounded by people who are also supportive and willing to give something as precious as time.

Six hours later we had great conversations about the differences in Jamaican and Indian curries, how many rolls of film we're going to buy for our next films, watched a classmate struggle through cutting scallions, cooked a meal together, filmed my talking head and just had a ton of fun. Thanks guys. I owe you some time/skills combination in the future.

_my Kickstarter Crew

Director : Dehanza Rogers
Directors of Photography : Dylan Chapgier & Alejandro Salinas-Albrecht
Assistant Camera : Eben Portnoy & Vanita Shastry
Assistant Director : Iyabo Kwayana
Gaffer/Grip : Shadae Smith
Sound : Ryan Moody
Editor : Dehanza Rogers
Production Design : Shirley Kim & Vanita Shastry
Still Photographer : Shirley Kim

Winter 2011

_posted in dayedayerocks | filmschool | 07 January 2011

The new quarter started on Monday.

This is the quarter we produce, finance and direct a six-ten minute short film. That sounds simple enough, but it's within the hollywood model of filmmaking. It's not shot on a 5D and it's not you and few of your friends getting together on a weekend to film.

Like our first short, we're assigned a crew for key positions: assistant director, director of photography, assistant camera, gaffer, mixer and boom, from our fellow classmates.

For the next four weeks we're taking four courses. The cinematography course includes one on one meetings with the professor, director and dp of each film. We're taking a costume design course, symposium and a preproduction course, which is twice a week. The preproduction course is comprised of the 7 people who crew for each other.

During these four weeks, we're also in preproduciton for our films: location scouting, hiring additional crew, still working on our scripts, working on character development, searching for funding, casting and then rehearsing, among a host of other things.

After the four weeks, we are thrown into a rotation of 3 day shoots, fridays to sundays, for 7 consecutive weeks.

My production group is lead by Gyula Gazdag, Hungarian filmmaker and Artistic Director of the Sundance Filmmakers Lab. We had our first production meeting Tuesday last and I was instantly smitten with Gyula.

_reasons i'm smitten with gyula

Number 01.

Create something that doesn't exist and the entire universe is against everything that is being created. You must exercise power for things to happen.

Number 02.

We should have seven different gods in our group. We need to create something in spite of all the different forces in the universe.

Number 03.

If you can convince everyone in your crew and cast about the necessity of this film being made, then the forces will multiply.

Number 04.

You don't need to know everything to be a director. You need to know what your goal is and to inspire everyone who works on the project. Inspire to get something better than what you initially recognized.

Number 05.

Asking the right questions, is more important than having the answers.

Number 06.

Your responsibility is to your vision.

Number 07.

Every single story and film has its own rules.

No matter where you go, there you are.

_posted in dayedayerocks | filmschool | lessons learned | 21 November 2010

My first quarter at UCLA's MFA Film Production/Directing program is about to end. It started about 9 weeks ago, but it honestly feels like 9 months.

The program consists of 21 students total, with 18 directing students and 3 cinematographers. The program is traditionally 4 years long, a few have completed it in three, there are a few who are "5th year MFAs." Our first year is highly structured, our classes are picked for us, we're placed in shooting groups and you deal with the crew you're given.

_open 24/7/365

The thing I've had to come to terms with the most is the fact that this thing I love, this thing that I've always made time for, be it the weekend or a few hours a week, is now my 24/7/365. Film is no longer the thing I want to do or the future plan, it's the thing I'm actively doing. It's absolutely amazingly exciting and it's fucking frightening. It's a huge paradigm shift to take hold of and be comfortable with the dream being a reality. So instead of finding time to write or edit or film on a Saturday for a few hours, I should in all honestly be spending at least twelve hours a day on learning and perfecting my craft. This is my job--my only job. Nine weeks in and I'm still struggling with truly understanding that situation.

A few of my classmates and I had this conversation and it's always good to commiserate on the fears wrapped in such a wonderful adventure. I love that there's a classmate who is constantly trying to figure out how to not let film school consume ever part of her life. She never misses an opportunity to ask the next professor or TA, how they balance film school and having a life and everyone says the same thing, "you won't have a life." Bless her heart, she's actively trying to keep a balance in her life and I dig that about her.

_opportunity cost

In economics there's this concept of passing up the next best choice when making a decision, basically giving up the choice of one thing in order to obtain another. That thing you gave up is the opportunity cost. For years I've been struggling with what and who I left behind for the possibility of film school. I left Georgia with no guarantees, only a dream and a shit ton of determination. How I've felt about what I gave up changes as I get older. While I'm excited about film school, realizing I'll be living in LA for another 4 years away from the people that make me the happiest--the people that make up my family, is a hard pill to swallow. I've been in LA for 6 years and I've been fortunate to meet some great and caring people, but my ATL fam is comprised of people who know my narrative, all my dirty little secrets, most embarrassing and joyous moments and whom I trust.

I was hanging with some 2nd and 3rd year female MFAs and the conversation ranged from the craft to having families while working in film. Four years is a long time to put your life on hold, even for something you love, weighed against the female realities of a family and a life outside of film. The thing you love shouldn't be a roadblock to a full and complete life. Filmmaking does not allow for balance in your life, so you have to find it wherever you can.

_collaboration

Filmmaking is pure collaboration. It's a level of collaboration that I've never truly experienced. It's been a learning experience to say the least. There have been a number of teachable moments, experiences and observations, the most important:

Number 01.

not everyone shares a respect for the process, so make sure that you do - crewing is honest work, so respect it. the physical labor of filmmaking is what makes filmmaking possible, point blank.

Number 02.

having a work ethic is equally important than any creativity or grand stories you want to tell. we all have a voice, take the time to respect the technical aspects of filmmaking if you want to direct

Number 03.

respecting the people you work with even when you don't like them is an absolute must

Number 04.

adding please, thank you and you're welcome to your vocabulary is imperative (you'd be surprised how often people don't bother saying them)

Number 05.

communication means making sure everyone understands what's going on, it does not mean speaking louder or more often, that's just making noise.

_out of sight, out of mind

Wrapped up in all this excitement is a bit of disappointment. I had hoped that this ultimate goal, the outcome of a long journey, which was shared with my closet friends, would be something I would ultimately share with those same people. It's hard for people to understand how disconnected this program makes you feel from your own life. It's been financially, physically and emotionally draining and it's only the beginning. This gets harder. Having an emotional sounding board is imperative.

Hubert Sauper, director of Darwin's Nightmare, said "you want to have people around you who are intellectual mirrors." That's no easy task. I always felt lucky to have that, but sitting in class for 12 hours a day, spending what free time you have either with actors rehearsing or writing or editing, you disconnect from your real life and reconnecting seems a chore, on both sides.

_next quarter

Winter 2011 is right around the corner. We've gotten our shooting schedules. I've combed over budgets from previous years, started looking for funding, started collected creatives, trying to figure out what I can cut from my script to lose those two extra pages and I'm hoping I'll get out of LA for a bit before it all kicks off. Wish me luck.

_soundcheck: quantic: an announcement to answer

Social networks were killing my social graces

_posted in dayedayerocks | lessons learned | 19 September 2010

"Two Keys"    painting credit: Daye Rogers

Recently I deleted my social network accounts, Facebook, Foursquare, Last.fm, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.

I was becoming that guy who, when you meet up with him has to Twitter, Foursquare and/or Facebook the experience in the present, that guy that constantly texts, tweets or otherwise transmits when you thought the two of you were actually in conversation. Having lunch with that guy is always a chore and always an annoyance. Lunch, dinner or a picnic with that guy seems more like a moment of intrusion on his virtual world, rather than hanging out with a friend.

Don't get me wrong. People who knew me when I first started university, know me as "the girl with the camera," so the idea of intruding in on personal space is nothing new to me. I'm all about the performative nature of images and life itself, but there's something about social networks that can turn that joy of observing and recording your own life into a rude and inconsiderate act.

It was a gradual progression for me. I went from the cellphone staying in my bag, to posting from the bathroom to just pulling out the phone at the table and just having at it, which has always irked me to no end when my lunch or dinner partners do the same.

The moment of truth for me, as they say, occurred while I was home recently. I was sitting in the den getting some work done and I heard the crack of the bedroom door open and out ran the most awesome of three year olds from his nap. He beamed a charming smile as he beelined for me, gave me a hearty hug and a proper baby slobber kiss on the check. He then turned, without missing a beat and picked up his water gun, pointed it at me, closed one eye and proceeded to shoot me. The disappointment on his face when he realized the gun was empty was spectacular. The shock and happiness at watching me fill it with water was priceless. The laughing scream that followed as he ran from the stream of water that caught him on the side of the head was gratifying. That moment was real, it was wrapped up in all these amazing emotions of love and contentment that turned into tickled pink.

I was experiencing a very real moment and it didn't seem real unless I stopped the moment and posted it on not only Facebook, but Twitter it as well. I had become that guy. As long as I posted to social networks as an afterthought I felt it was alright, I wasn't putting my present life on hold to connect with people who weren't there, disconnecting from the people who were.

_insincere friendship

I had about 250 Facebook friends, and this was with me being a bit selective. While working at an Apple retail store, which was one of my worst employment experiences ever, I met people who face to face were rude, inconsiderate and who didn't interest me in the least and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. However, these same people sent me friend requests. Why would I want people I don't want in my real life in my virtual life? Needless to say I ignored those requests.

Facebook does a great job of making me feel obligated to interact with people I rarely even speak to. There's this pressure to perform the actions of friendship, when I honestly don't feel the desire to do so. I've culled my friend list down to 151 people. I was "friends" with people I honestly had very little interest in or absolutely didn't like or just lost touch with and really didn't mind that I had. Friendship is something I take quiet seriously and it seems that social networks allow for a frivolity of it that I find troubling.

I was becoming an insincere friend. I'd rather not be a friend, than an insincere one.

_reconnecting

I've recreated a few of the accounts I had, namely Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. A friend of mine always positions social networks as a database or history of his life. It's a valid point but honestly, I never went back and tracked my own content, the music I listened to, the tweets I twittered or even the Facebook posts I posted. I use to blog for that reason. If it's more personal, I keep journals for that reason.

While away from the various social networks, there were moments when I thought "I should tweet that." The fact that my account didn't exist anymore gave me the needed few seconds of pause to realize, actually what I just thought wasn't worth tweeting or sharing. It was an internal thought, that may be brought up in conversation in the future, but the impulse to share random thoughts makes very little sense to me now. It's always good to get back to sensibilities that represent the better part of yourself.

_soundcheck: the xx: xx

Yes, I'm using Torchwood to talk about Education.

_posted in education | tv | 04 September 2009

"LAUSD Shame On You"    photography credit: Daye Rogers

I am unequivocally and unabashedly a Torchwood fan. There are some episodes where the cheese levels exceeds what should be legally allowed in any country but that's what I love about it. Even amongst the 51st century pheromones of Captain Jack Harkness, the pansexuality and the campiness there are truly extraordinary well written moments- actually more than just a few well written moments. This mix of campy over the top and quiet moments is what makes Torchwood appealing to me. Somehow, even when life is at it's most ridiculous for these characters, it just happens to sometimes fall into the realm of the profound, and that's where Torchwood seems to excel.

With the five-day story arc that is season three, Children of Earth, they've upped the ante. Yes, there are tons of explosions, Ianto and Jack kiss, and there's the improbability of television science, but most importantly there's a tighter plot with some damn fine writing, acting and directing. Could this be because they've compressed the show down to a cohesive five episode arc? Or because it's the same director for all five episodes? Or maybe it's because there are only three scribes involved? Or could it be the addition of solid actors on the other side of the aisle from the Torchwood crew?

Whatever the reason, the ride is fast, hard and fun, just what I expect from my Torchwood. After two seasons and a lot of drama, death and sex, we can't forget the sex, it seems the Torchwood crew has finally developed into solid characters. Gwen has definitely come into her own. She's taken the lead and done it without any second thoughts or approval from Jack, who's darker than we've ever seen him, by the way. We finally get a see a Jack who was more compromising and willing to do questionable things, even if it is for the greater good. Added to that is a more contemporary version of the results of his life amongst us mortals and who knew Ianto even had a life before Torchwood?

It's the new players in the game that have made Torchwood less cheese and more sincere. Cush Jumbo's take on her character, Lois Habiba, a temp personal assistant who is thrown in the middle of political intrigue and an alien invasion is noteworthy. She's deft at balancing her fear, sense of responsibility and strength. Paul Copley takes us on a trip of lost innocence, consequences of our past and fear with such lovely acting, that I just wanted to gather the old fella into my arms and tell him it would be alright, that almost 45 years later he'll be able to rest easy. But it's Peter Capldi, who I crushed on seriously in Crow Road so many years ago, that takes the cheese out of the sails, as it were. He's exceptional as the reluctant, but too damn good at being a middleman, middleman. To watch him squirm at not at his own efficiency, but his willingness to betray the English public should make you hate him, but instead you feel sorry for the man. Watching his character's arc, you finally feel that a man who never truly took the lead in his career has finally done so and it's a poetic and sad ending.

We listen as this consummate middleman sits in a room with his fellow politicians deciding on how to carry out a master plan that reminds us that in realty we don't need aliens to steal and do horrible things to children. And this is where screenwriters Russell T. Davies, John Fay, James Moran (of Severance fame) and director Euros Lyn shine. Watching as a table of men and women decide the fate of hundreds of thousands of children of Great Britain is chilling. The most chilling, however, is listening to the only woman of power in the room justify their selection criteria of the doomed children.

On the one hand we've got the good schools and I don't just mean those producing graduates, I mean the pupils that will go on to staff our hospitals, our offices, our factories, the workforce of the future. We need them. Accepted, yes? So, set against that you've got the failing schools, full of the less able, the less socially useful, those destined to spend a lifetime on benefits, occupying places on the dole que and frankly the prisons. Now look, should we treat them equally? God knows we've tried and we've failed. And now, time has come to choose. And if we can't identify, the lowest achieving ten percent of this country's children, then what are the school league tables for?

I can't help but be in awe of the timeliness of that bit of honesty. I'm sure that resonated deeply with me because of my own view points about education and its current condition in the US. Various states have or are facing massive layoffs. The Los Angeles Unified School Board (LAUSD) has gone through rounds of layoffs, while the Pontiac School Board laid off all it's teachers. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. One can only feel that the United States is plunging head first into the death of public education or rather the birth of its privatization.

Either way, this scene hits on so many of the points I've read and the conversations I've had with teachers in the last few months. What's most telling is the character's implied assertion that it's the students fault that the schools are failing. After all, these are "less able" and "less socially useful" individuals. Too often I've heard and read comments on various news blogs that read like a laundry list of why black and brown poor kids are to blame for the subpar educational experience we're providing. And yes, that "we're" includes you and me. Instead of making our school district leaders or other elected officials accountable concerning public education, too often it's the students who are squarely attacked, either because they are poor or undocumented or of color. I've found myself enraged often after reading, yet another anonymous comment that students in LAUSD's failing schools are "criminals anyway." Is this, the best we can do, attack the students?

_illegals from los angeles writes

Get rid of the illegals. That will fix the problem in one action. Start requiring proof of citizenship each fall.

_rena b writes

Don't throw good money after bad. Obviously all the money in the world will not change the attitude of drop outs and their parents who don't care. An attitude adjustment is in place. impose a fee on each parent per child per semester and fine them if their kids fluff off and fail. Hold the kids back who don't do well until they can pass the grade, don't push them ahead.

The character mentions the "school league tables" which is akin to our system of ranking schools based on high stake testing. Sometimes it's nice to see that we're not alone in our struggles, but it doesn't make me feel better to know that public urban education in England, France, and other developed Western countries are struggling just as much as we are.

The fact that it's an adult science fiction television series that touches on what is usually of no interest in most prime time televisions shows, save the substantive season 4 of The Wire, is at the same time sad and exhilarating. It's not the focal point of the series but it's an important plot point and I appreciate the writers putting it on the table, for making us question the possibility that these tests could and are indeed used for a variety of purposes, maybe nefariously, even if it's for just a second.

And this is how I know Torchwood has stepped up it's game. It's rare that an episode of Torchwood ever stuck with me. Maybe a few lines of dialogue would stick, here and there, but nothing really resonated. It was always fun to watch and sexy. This season of Torchwood, however, has come to a great place in it's story. Like Joss Whedon, Russell T. Davies has excelled in killing off those indispensable characters, which really keeps the audience on their toes or infuriates them. If we're to see a season 4 of Torchwood, Davies and Co., have set up a nice clean slate to work with, hopefully they'll continue throwing in a little more realty with all that science fiction.

_vidcheck: j. michael straczynski: babylon 5

diego and julio

_posted in dayedayerocks | 29 June 2008

My two friends, Deigo and Julio, both 8 years old, created these amazing pictures for me last week. They made my day. I got a chance to have lunch with them as well and chit chat about roller coasters, designing cars, how horrible the new Indiana Jones move is and how kindergarteners don't know how to draw a proper human skull. Id have to say it was a mighty fine lunch.

"Armor Light Ninja"    drawing credit: Diego and Julio

"Ninja"    drawing credit: Diego and Julio

"The Hand"    drawing credit: Diego and Julio

"Dragon"    drawing redit: Diego and Julio

"Gazimila"    drawing credit: Diego and Julio

"Aquashot"    drawing credit: Diego and Julio

smitten smitten smitten

_posted in dayedayerocks | 30 March 2008

The opening scene of No Country for Old Men

The coupling of Johnny Greenwood's soundtrack and Robert Elswit's cinematography in There Will Be Blood

Apica Notebook III

Richard Dawkin's review of Expelled

David Simon's Final Letter to The Wire fans

March's Lessons Learned

_posted in dayedayerocks | lessons learned | 29 March 2008

Number 01.

Using dull knives makes cooking more like a chore than a joy.

Number 02.

Carrying a 4.5lb camera for 5 hours straight feels more like carrying a 50lb weight. But that end of the day pain feels oh so good.

Number 03.

Money (or lack of money) makes most of your decisions for you.

Number 04.

Practicing patience only makes me more impatient.

Number 05.

Spring cleaning does not mean shifting shit from one room to another.

Number 06.

Being right isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

Number 07.

Being behind a camera makes me forget everything else. Putting the camera down is like being thrown back into chaos.

news and more news

_posted in dayedayerocks | film | 10 March 2008

I've been in a holding pattern concerning a few projects, so I've not wanted to speak on them until I got an official thumbs up as it were. The most important (and interesting) of the non personal projects has been officially thumbed up!

As I mentioned my friend Antero is a recipient of the MacArthur Grant's Digital Media and Learning Innovation grant, in collaboration with Greg Niemeyer of UC Berkley. I had the opportunity to pitch an idea to Greg over brunch some weeks ago and let me tell you, the energy around that table was amazing. It's been some time since I congregated around a meal and talked about art and ideas. It was a great feeling. By the time I got home the energy was too much to contain, so I put it to good use and tackled my to-do lists. I actually put a few open-ended projects to bed that weekend.

My pitch, documenting their project. Greg and Antero's project is Black Cloud: Environmental Studies Gaming. Take some time to read about it.
Black Cloud Project Site
Mac Arthur Foundation's Digital Learning and Media Project Site

The game is going to be ran twice, once in Los Angeles at Manual Arts High School, South Central and in the Zamalek district of Cairo, Egypt.

I'm happy to say that I will be working on documenting the game: filming the process of creating the game and prepping it for students, the actual game played by the students, as well as helping the kids create their own short documentaries about the game and what they've learned. More details to come as things unfold of course.

I'm super excited about it all.

Some of my other projects are work related and I'm happy that I'm finally going to work on some extremely interesting and creative things. I'll speak on those as they reach their final approval stages.

_soundcheck: mellow: cq

just a few of the many reasons i love sergio leone

_posted in film | 08 March 2008

I started the morning off with Once Upon a Time in the West. I can never just get through the movie in one shot. There are too many perfect moments and I have to go back and watch them over and over again. Let's forget about the cinematography, the music, the landscape for a second (hard to do, but let's try) and we're left with some classic dialogue. There are so many great lines but these are my favorite. And a hand full of Irish gingers (that's for you harume)! It's all about Sergio this weekend.

_quote 1

Harmonica: And Frank?
Snaky: Frank sent us.
Harmonica: Did you bring a horse for me?
Snaky: (Chuckling) It looks like we're...shy one horse!
Harmonica: You brought two too many. (Harmonica shoots the three henchmen dead)

_quote 2

Jill: Mrs. McBain goes back to civilization. Minus a husband and plus a great future.
Cheyenne: You deserve better.
Jill: The last man who told me that is buried out there.
Cheyenne: You know, Jill, you remind me of my mother. She was the biggest whore in Alameda and the finest woman that ever lived. Whoever my father was for an hour or for a month... he must have been a happy man.

_quote 3

Frank: How can you trust a man who wears both a belt and suspenders? The man can't even trust his own pants.

_quote 4

Harmonica: Five thousand dollars.
Cheyenne: Judas was satisfied with 4,970 dollars less.
Harmonica: There weren't no dollars in them days.
Cheyenne: But sons-of-bitches? Yeah.

_quote 5

Jill: And you! You saved his life.
Harmonica: I didn't let them kill him. That's not the same thing.

_vidcheck: sergio leone: once upon a time in the west

just in general...

_posted in dayedayerocks | education | smitten with | 07 March 2008

Currently Smitten With

Bedrich Smetana's Vltava (Die Moldau)
Engraved Moleskines
The Rubber Room
Pyrex Love
Mad About Mugs
Zakuski

This I Believe

Everyday I read a "This I Believe" essay. Everyday I learn something new, everyday something resonates within me. I've included one of Antero's kids "This I Believe." I may have not mentioned it but he's blogging for the LA Times now. I know, superstar. OH! And he got won a massive MacArthur Grant with Greg Niemeyer from UC Berkley!

_quote 1

I had big expectations of the students, but after my first day, I asked my sister about what was wrong with the people in my school. She told me that the people I expected to see go to different schools and I asked why hadn't she taken me there? She took the time to explain.
The first thing she asked me was: "Do you think segregation is only in Sudan?" I said no, but I don't think there is segregation in the U.S.
Berhanu: This I Believe

_quote 2

In sharing this story, I believe I can speak to someone who is where Catherine was: Someone who is valuable, who is worth while, and who is loved. I believe that in one moment of admirable strength, the chains and silence can be broken, if even with only a whisper that says, "I need some help."
Tiesha: A Moment of Admirable Strength

_quote 3

Family is defined by bonds much deeper than birth, or skin color, or genetics. Those of us lucky enough experience 'found' love know that family is defined only by the heart.
Stephanie: Family is Defined by Bonds Deeper Than Birth

_quote 4

For those that claim motherhood (or stepmother-hood) is a thankless job, I submit that all of us are nothing more or less than the sum of who we love. It doesn't matter whether your family is whole, divorced or divided, the only way to achieve any kind of happiness in this world is by loving a handful of people. I believe we are marked by the people who love us, whether we like it or not, for the rest of our short lives on earth.
Amy: The Best Kind of Grief is Gratitude

test from macjournal

_posted in dayedayerocks | 01 March 2008

I finally got the MacBookPro back and it’s taken me the last two days just to reinstall apps and copy over my files. I use at least two machines a day, sometimes up to four and I’m ashamed to say even with being Queen Geek I haven’t properly streamlined my computer life. I’ve been using MacJournal for about 6 months and just never set up the blogging option and a few other things that will make life easier (hopefully). So this is a TEST. Is this thing on, can you hear me?

macbookpro. dead.

_posted in dayedayerocks | 20 February 2008

The tune dead but him nuh dead.

Well the tune dead and him dead. My fucking MacBook Pro, my life line has become a heavy ass brick!

The MacBook dead. Fuck you Apple. Fuck you in the ass of life. Just like you're fucking me.

cry cry gary.

_posted in dayedayerocks | 17 February 2008

When I was younger my grandmother and I use to go to Philly and New York every year to see family. Compared to my cousins I was a sheltered child. Fucking Brooklyn makes you hard coming out the womb, yo. My female cousins are "fast assed little girls," as my Da always said.

Before I made it to the den of iniquity we spent a few weeks in Philly with great grand Auntie Sylvie (big Sylvie). She is the reason I love opera, classical music and musicals. She'd pick us up from the airport or bus depot and the second we stepped across the threshold she knew I was ready to watch Bizet's Carmen, with a chaser of Fiddler on the Roof. My grandmother and her sisters all made fun of Auntie Sylvie aka Ms. Prim and Proper and her "crazy" music. I loved it, still do.

I thought of all this tonight after talking to my cousin Gary. We don't get to talk that much but when we do it's always good and fucking hilarious. He's only a couple of years older than me and just as much of a clown. When talking about Gary it always comes up that he's the baby of 7 kids and how he was a crybaby! My great Auntie Sylvie (little Sylvie) and everyone else called him "Cry Cry Gary." So when ever I talk to him I never let him forget it. Gary is the cousin who'd most like me, which makes me love him even more.

Cry Cry Gary, his mom, Da and me were planning on going to Panama together. That was the plan. But he was told he was going to be forward deployed from Kuwait to Iraq sometime between December - January, which didn't happen. We were hoping that we could plan for this summer, but he told me it wouldn't happen so we shouldn't wait. Seems its a definite that he'll be shipping out (AGAIN!) in May. I'll hopefully get to see him on my way back from Panama for a few days before he leaves. So between May - January of next year he'll be serving in Iraq once again. He did it twice for daddy Bush and this will be his second time for bratty Bush. Then in March he can retire.

I don't even what to entertain the thoughts in my head right now. I just know I'm looking forward to my second trip to Panama when he gets back- me, Da, and my Auntie Sylvie with Cry Cry Gary.

happy valentine's day!

_posted in dayedayerocks | 14 February 2008

"Waiting for his turn."    photo credit: Daye Rogers

Four years ago today my boy Bran, my friend Bowen and I went to the comic book spot to buy our monthly stash. Brandon has crushed on Bowen for some time and I was constantly "trying to out that kid" as Jordan use to say. And on that day, Brandon came to terms with his sexuality... so happy gay day my friend... happy gay day...

Death #2

_posted in dayedayerocks | 08 February 2008

A friend lost her brother yesterday. I haven't talked to this friend since November 2005. It's another one of those leaving "open ended pain in my wake" things. Rightly or wrongly I walked away from our friendship shortly before I left Atlanta. At the time I felt I needed to be around people I felt were proactive in order to feed out that energy instead of the weekly humdrums and what-ifs. I walked away from three people: Drew, Jake and May. I've since then reconciled with Drew and Jake. Like I said, "those I truly loved first and still find room to be angry with, have never and will never lose my favor." And May is one of those people. Unfortunately, I could never swallow my pride and reach out more than that passive aggressive social network way. Sending an "add request" on MySpace is not an active attempt to reconcile. It's passive and no one deserves such a half ass attempt at reconciliation.

At this moment May is dealing with a lost that I can't even imagine. She's always been an extremely sweet person. Why the universe deemed it necessary for her to lose her 33 year old brother is beyond me.

I can't say at this moment that I want to call family and friends and tell them how much they mean to me. I try to show that everyday, but more days than not I only accomplish fucking up relationships.

I was recently told, in a round about way, that I've not been a good friend when it came to the emotional aspect of a friendship. It sucks to be told you're not a good friend, but it's not like I haven't done that many times, when I felt slighted, which happens to be often.

All I can hope is that while May is dealing with her loss, she comes out the other end alright.

Too Many People

_posted in dayedayerocks | 05 February 2008

My hand it shakes, my belly aches, I shouldn't be here
But what can I do
Cos I spent last night in our room
A second chance, a near escape, I learnt my lesson
But not so easily
And I left my weapon at the scene

What you gonna do about it now
Cos too many people love you and you're never around
What you gonna do it now
Cos they're always lookin for you and you're never in town

My head it pounds, so many sounds, as reason wakens
To present it's case
Cos my conscience always speaks too late
I wait until I get my chance to change the subject
But not to obviously
Cos my weakness knows no subtlety

What you gonna do about it now
Cos too many people love you and you're never around
What you gonna do it now
Cos they're always lookin for you and you're never in town

My hand it shakes, my belly aches, I shouldn't be here
But what can I do

What you gonna do about it now
Cos too many people love you and you're never around
What you gonna do it now
Who are you onna run to when this all gets you down
ollie cole: too many people

Barack '08 :: Yes we can.

_posted in politics | 04 February 2008

Dipdive

Update: Antero sent this link from The American Scene: Peter Sunderman's Can We?

January's Lessons Learned

_posted in dayedayerocks | lessons learned | 03 February 2008

I figured I'd post what lessons I learned each month. I think this will be a great reminder of what my year looked like.

Number 01.

It's interesting who's willing to just listen and who's not. Trust issues exist for a reason. That was a hard lesson to learn, yet I learned it.

Number 02.

Running hard and fast is a good idea until you're a few feet from the end. It seems I never have the energy to finish but somehow I do. Being a champ when you set unrealistic goals only makes you want to set more unrealistic goals and be a champ time and time again. Great lesson learned.

Number 03.

Saying, "No," is a lesson I learned many moons ago, but rarely practice. It's been sometime since I actually said, "No," but I can feel it stuck in my throat, itching to come out. Hopefully it will make its debut in the following weeks.

Number 04.

Waiting for something long desired is only part of the process. If it turns out well then you walk away proud that you were able to be patient and feel deserving. If it turns out sour, you walk away proud that you even tried.

Number 05.

Sometimes the computer needs to be turned off.

_vidcheck: james cameron: the terminator

A Father Dies

_posted in dayedayerocks | 22 January 2008

While I was driving home this afternoon I couldn't get my mind off Heath Ledger and it wasn't the possibility that he most likely died of an overdose, intentional or not. When we heard about it in the office we were all shocked and then came the jokes and snarky remarks. We hide our meanness in wit.

All we know for sure is a little girl is never going to know her father.

When she's old enough she's going to search for every bit of information she can find about him on the Internet. She's going to search for articles or video that talk about him being a dad and what that meant to him. She's going to try to find out what his favorite things were, places he loved the most. She'll wonder her entire life which books he would have read to her and what it would have been like to go to the zoo with him, the planetarium, the circus, to the ocean for the first time.

I know this because I did it. I grew up with grandparents who did a wonderful job. My grandmother was the emotional support I needed, my grandfather the economic. I have no memories of my grandfather ever hugging me as a child. I do remember a hug the day I graduated from high school, as well as the day I hopped in my car to drive to California a few years ago. I can count the number of hugs I remember from him with my own two hands. My grandmother on the other hand, never let a day go by without a hug. I remember them all.

I also remember finding my baby book when I was in 4th grade and there on the first page was my father's name. I found out he was in the military and he was stationed in Fort Benning and Panama. For some reason I had it in mind that he served in Vietnam. Forget that it was impossible due to dates not matching up, but when I was in 6th grade and we went to DC to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial I looked for his name. I was disappointed that it wasn't there, because the only thing that can keep a father from his daughter is death. Right?

anything but...

_posted in dayedayerocks | 20 January 2008

2004 Astronaut Candidate Jose Hernandez    photo credit: NASA/Johnson Space Center

Remember when I said I was going to be more consistent? Well, I have been. The blog has definitely talking a back seat to my classes and work. I'm taking two short session English courses. The short session is fucking short! Each week is equal to two weeks. In total the six weeks for short session equals thirteen weeks, the regular session time. So yea, I've been consistent and extremely organized. I've written more in the last three weeks than I have in the last two years.

I get out of the house one day a week to socialize with humans. I have a gang of movie passes but no time to go see a movie. So on my scheduled escape from behind my computer or a book was this past Friday. While having dinner with Antero he told me about a fellow teacher's class discussion about hegemony in the context of the Holocaust and Elie Wiesel's Night.

Travis asked his students, "What would happen if all white people were killed or put in jail?" (Travis is white, so he's including himself in the question.) One of his students raised his hand and said, "But who would invent everything and do all the science?"

Wow! Antero was blown away, as was I during the retelling of this incident. For a second my heart broke. Antero asked his own class why the kid's comment bothered him. It took the students a few moments to think about it. Then one kid raised his hand and sheepishly said, "Because it makes it seem like we can't do it."

ABSOLUTELY. Can you imagine thinking that your place in the world does not include that level of success? Fuck me, these kids are getting shafted. This wasn't some elementary school, rather high school students who will soon be out in the real world. With that type of thinking how far from the stereotype are they going get?

This is the kind of stuff I should be filming and putting online. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. To drive the point home that LAUSD is just a factory for housing a bunch of kids until they are 18 or so needs to be made clear. There are just too many stories there for me to sit on my ass.

first death of the year

_posted in dayedayerocks | 09 January 2008

I just got a call from my grandmother. My auntie died. She's my auntie because our families have been so close since my grandfather and her husband were in the army together, both serving in Korea and Vietnam. We kids all grew up together. My older brother and sister grew up with their son Harold. I grew up with their youngest son, Jumel. We told everyone we were cousins.

Our families have been friends for almost 60 years. Her husband, my uncle, died about 4 years ago- leukemia. She died of cancer among other things.

And so the first personal death of 2008. My hope is that no one else close to me dies this year. However, people are getting older. I keep feeling all the time I've spent across the country, has been time I took away from being with my family, especially my grandmother.

Anyway, you know the drill. Cherish every minute people. You want every breath... every single one.

There's night and day, brother. Both sweet things. Sun, moon and stars, all sweet things. Very quiet now. There's a wind on the heath. Life is very... sweet, brother. Life is very sweet, brother. Who would wish to die?
george darrow: Lavengro; the scholar, the gypsy, the priest

new music wednesday = dear god can i get some sleep, please?

_posted in new music wednesdays | 09 January 2008

another separate the asshole from the artist... "a shins rocker beats up only person he can, his skinny girlfriend."

angie stone: the art of love and war
animal collective: strawberry jam
freddie king: woman across the river
sharon jones: 100 days, 100 nights
johnny greenwood: there will be blood
talib kweli: focus
the shins: wincing the night away
vampire weekend: vampire weekend
young knives: voices of animals and men

i'm a star.

_posted in dayedayerocks | 31 December 2007

photographer: my grandmother

And so ends another year. And so a new year begins.

This new year, 2008 has been dubbed... "The Year of Setting Demons Free." Yes, I did say no naming of the year, but in that same post I gave in and said it would happen. So there.

The first 6 months of this year started off, in a word, horribly. Looking back it was some of the darkest days I've ever had and I paid for it accordingly. I wasted valuable time, missed a few opportunities that came my way and lost a few friends. These things happen.

The most important lesson learned from that time-- people fit into your life based on what they are capable of, not what you are wanting them to be capable of. And with that realization came a new level of trust with a few key people in my life and learning some extremely important lessons not so much about the world, but about myself.

I can only say I wouldn't trade that time nor those mistakes for anything. If not for every single one, I don't think I'd see 2008 as optimistically as I do now.

And so... I wish everyone the best for 2008. I think that we are all in for some amazing experiences.

Setting Demon's Free '08

_posted in 21 December 2007

The other day a friend of mine said that one would think that by 2008 you'd have it down. That you'd know everything you need to know to be successful in life: relationships, school and work. But let's be honest, we're lucky if we know how to get out of bed on most days and on those days when it's not a chore, there is still some confusion as to what should be done next.

That's just the way it all plays out. The last week or so has been me doing almost next to nothing. I run so hard and fast that when I stop for a breather it's over. I can't muster up the strength to get back on the track. So I've been watching Lord of the Rings almost every night, extended versions mind you. And I'm talking the extended version.

"la voz aspera de la ternura"

_posted in new music wednesdays | 19 December 2007

chavela vargas: 30 grandes canciones
chavela vargas: cupaima
tego calderon: el abayarde
james blunt: all the lost souls
natasha bedingfield: n.b.
the maccabees: colour it in

_soundcheck: ahmad jamal: ahmad's blues

monday morning blues = you get nothing...

_posted in dayedayerocks | monday morning blues | 17 December 2007

you get nothing this monday morning... but i will give you two things i learned last night and one i've been wanting to put into everyday conversation.

_silliness no.1

it's better to have a bottle in front of you than have a frontal lobotomy.

_silliness no.2

one hand holds want you want and the other holds piss, which do you think will fill the quickest.

_silliness no.3

time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana.

so there you have... silly homespun humor that i am determined to place into everyday conversation.

_soundcheck: ben harper: both sides of the gun

me llaman calle

_posted in dayedayerocks | music | 13 December 2007

this morning i asked my coworker, oscar, to help me translate manu chao's me llaman calle.

the video itself is lovely, but what really does it the way he uses language. the translation has none of the beauty it holds in it's original tongue.

i am a machine of the city
they call me a whore and a princess

strange thing, the song felt familiar. there's a point in there song where he says, "a whore and a princess" and i instantly thought of a film a recently saw, princesas.